Don't know what I want? and what I am for?

Huh... don't know why life's extremely harsh on me. Fuck!!!
I am just feeling real down...damn wish I will have a happy ending dying though. That's what I've wished for now... get hit by vehicle.. and I don't even see it and spot death. Lol... I don't need anything more than that.. damn.. cuz I don't get it lol.. simple.
So, before I move.. I just want to write this thing... maybe who knows.. I might not return back to my room.

Life sucks... if anyone calls me a coward for fleeing from what I am.. then I am a coward.

Lastly the message went.

Its so...funny lol. I had to call my friend's home early in the morning damn... I am just embrassed.. his mom picked up and just banged the phone. Huh...lastly one of my friend.. helped me with my Cell's routing problem.. thanks man, you've been great. Small things in life matter. And its fun hehe.. get up at 5:24 and keep messaging.. and alll I get is dissapointment. Aniways... that's the way life goes.

And I hope there's always a way out.

(Hey I am waiting for you...where are you, won't you come to save me)

Its so hard to even surprise ... huh..

I wanted to give a surprise message her on her birthday that is today. Lol... I got up at 5:24 and its 6:27 now.. and I couldn't really send her a SMS... shit....myan.... when the going gets tough...everything stops. Lolz

Damn... that's fucking written in my fate

Shock!!! 19th Jan 2005

Everything came like a shock....good bad everything. My whole day started off with a shock in the morning...a good one indeed. And then in the afternoon a bad one... and then in the evening. The boulevard of broken dreams... shit.. I was flat on the ground. Why do we meet people... and damn it was only on net.. though... I felt so free with her... so good to be with her. Share some parts of life... which I always wanted to share... as well as hide at the same time. But she came like a breeze...went like a harsh winter wind,rough skin, scrathches...leaving behind.

Nowonwards one thing is sure... I won't open up to anyone. Damn everyone's so fake... And as always the fault if my own. It was me who took it deep down to heart...and thus here I am suffering. Bloody wet eyes...

- The only one who follows me, my shadow -

Konfused.

Hmmm...here I am its 1:39 AM. And out from the confusion what to do.. I opened a account rite here.. and started this bloggin thing. Huh....

How funny is life.. and even more funnier me. In a instant I get so high.. and in just seconds I fall down. Whatever it all maybe .. but baseline goes.. "I walk alone" hehe. Yeah yea.. listening to Greenday "Boulevard of Broken Dreams".

I am feeling a kind of peculiar pain rite now.. and the meantime feeling fresh touched by the winter wind. And my hands are freezing. My friend's sleeping next to me... Actually I don't know what I should write and what for.

I should confess, yes I am thinking really -negative these days. Its not that I can't help myself.. but that's what I use... "I can't help it". Maybe it could be my age... a teen ager's anxienty. But I guess its not that....(Oh oh.. the video I was downloading and was waiting this long has finally got down on my box shit, connection...its like licking dogs platter). I will go for sleep now... not just rite away but it depends.. however my thing ends here.

Cold Winter Morning!

Huh... here I am. Got up at around 7:00 ... but got out of the bed only at 8:43. All morning I've been listening to " Boulevard of Broken dreams".
Now, I got to meet up my friends at 12:00 and damn.... I got to get the Handy Cam.. cuz we got to shoot... it really sucks when you don't have things of your own. Lending sucks... I don't like depending on someone.

But in some cases I feel like I should give my whole life to someone else... let someone know all my secrets.... but.. as the song goes... "I walk this empty street.. on the boulevard of broken dreams, I walk alone". Yes.. my shadows are the only that walk beside me. And sometimes I wish... someone out there will find me.. till then....

I walk alone :)