Kabhi alvida na kehna...

Now what does my old post has to say, real love was that it? .....ahhh well it all crashed, crashed real bad. "Thank god it crashed all sooner, or else where would I have been" is it was what I'm supposed to say, I don't know. I'm all over weed, my friend ranjan's here rite by my side. And my brain have millions of thoughts, thinking over today. I have this topic running my head regarding the year 2013, mayan calendar and world without moon, reptilians bla bla... wonder if they are all true even.

We keep on getting fuked up with fucking theories, which are discussed and written upon by these fucking shits. Who on all the way of assumption make the theories, which we study all our life. And we are fucking running after all the way for money, climbing the corporate ladder or whatever fucking ladder. And then one day you know you're too old and its your call to the end. And in a second everything vanishes. There's no more you, no more nothing. Fuck.. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

Well I guess letting all the things inside me erupt here would be hell of a good thing to do, it surely make my day tom. Awww these fucking thoughts, they haunt me like anything. These thoughts, fucking thoughts...ahhh well the music in the background sounds good and it goes " tum ko bhi, hai khabar, mujhko bhi hai pata, ho raha hai judaa dono ka raasta....duuur jaaa key bhi mujhse, tum meriiii, yaadon mein rehna, Kabhi alvida na kehna....". Whoa! sounds good, hehe...flowing with the song hehe.

Damn, thinking about tshering and the whole stuff, I wonder how she's doing, I'm sure she's doing all good. I don't know I can't even mail her, don't think it would be good thing to do, don't want to bug her. Don't want to remind that she had this small page in life, called "raag" or whatever. Well the music's good... let me just flow with it and smoke another weed...till then the cursor which is going on and on would come to a break....and here it goes....

its 12:05 AM Nepal time and I just finished smoking half a stick of weed and the song "kabhi alvida na kehna" playin online has almost come to and end...and I'm looking forward to the other song..which is well from the same movie and its titled "mitwa" by "shafaqat ali something" lolz.

Well the song says, love will find a way, but is there really something like that happening or going to happen? lolz...it sounds so don't know...

Let me go through the song. Ranjan's going through his notebook and I think its time for the remix of the song. And here were go, and here comes "Rupen" bling bling with a message and I'm about to reply..*break* and well....there goes the remix..fucking nice tune by "shankhar eshaan loy".

Damn my bangalore trip, I'm never ever gonna forget. Damn, didn't thing it will all happen with me. Anyways, that was part of my story. A well nice twist in my life I guess, getting on the edge again. Well but the fucking thing's repeated, that's not right. It sucks!!!

Damn look at my life now and see me in the right situation, no work, got to shift room and in a fucking condition without a penny and way out. Well but I guess, everything will be just fine. And I'll be laughing and people around me would be laughing reading this shit, saying " how could even raag be in such a position lolz"

"Aa bhi jaa ooo" "Aaa bhi jaaaon"........I wonder if someone would be hearing this and coming to me. Wonder if there's someone for me, in some corner of this earth as they "there's someone for everyone". Wondering if there's someone for me as well, someone who would just take me by a sweep, love me like anything and be wonderful than all my imaginations and dreams. I wonder lolz.

Rainy day and getting wet all to go to bannerghatta road to meet tshering. Whoa, what all did I do. Where all I went. Quite some doors that I knocked, which knocked me down even, some.

Love's in the air, all over again :)

Once again today, the feeling has overtaken me. Felt like a kid again, no second thinking just did what what I felt like. Its again the nervousness that I feel seeing her, its again the chill that goes down my spine talking to her, being a kid all over again. Revealing your true feeling, being just the real deep you, that's love hehe.

Loved everything today, saw her today but the yucky part's I couldn't talk much. My eyes wandering somewhere else, couldn't even look at her lol. Its funny. I'm missing her so much rite now, eyes are watery, its not the sadness, its some peculiar feeling of happiness inside. The feeling that someone loves you and you love someone. And the music's just boost to everything, Saiya - Kailash Kher on media player.

I don't know when we'll be going out and I wonder, if she'll leave soon. I don't have cash and that sucks so bad. I want to buy her something, it was her birthday on 19th. I'm supposed to get paid but then there are bloody fucked up parts, which I fucked up. I wonder what she must be doing, I know she'll call me up. I want to hear her voice again and I want to tell her I love her sooooo much. I seriously want to hold her in my arms and I don't know, I'm longing for that touch of love. *sigh*.

Finally love's here again, just like Tiesto's - Love Comes Again!

Love - Is there anything called love, even???

Errrr... don't know where do I start. Well, I'm checking out my old mails, the ones my love send to me. To be specific my ex: love. And listening to (Tanha Dil - Shaan).

I'm not confused, you know its such a different feeling, you know your relationship with the gurl wouldn't workout and still you want to move to her. And even though I want to move to her, hell no way. I even wonder, if she thinks of me, or is she even thinking about me at this hour?

Well feelings feelings, brain waves lolz that's it. But its something like the dialouge in the movie "A Beautiful mind" lolz where John Nash ( Russel Crowe ) goes "my quest has led me to, delusions back from delusions and logic and bla bla, and the biggest acheivement /discover to me is LOVE". But that's movie, rite?

Damn, I love her??? Do I? Is it just that I'm so desperate to be with a gurl. I need to finish 3 projects lolz. Its already morning, ghanta jasto ghaadi ley peeep peeep ni garnu thali sakyo lolz.

I'm gonna cut the crap, up here.

Presistence of memories.

this is happening

Listening to:

Conjure One - Tears from the moon (Dj Tiesto Mix)
ATB - Let you go (2005 Airplay Mix)

Making Weed Mr. Tiny,
Ready to smoke Death Enclave
Watching - Doggy Raggy ;)

Awwww....I'm feeeling fuckin shittty.

ahh welll the New Year (06's ending)

I thought I wouldn't come here all over again. As I thought I was very frustrated/depressed while I was making this blog thing. Errrr...

Anyways, my start for '06 was shit. And this time I had everything that I needed for a good new year blast, except a gf. Lolz. That's funny.

The shitty part is, its 29th Dec and I don't have a single penny and I'm sure I'm gonna have a real shitty end to '06 and shitty start to '07. That sucks big time.

Everytime its all the same old story in a lil different face.

Awwww....

Don't know what I want? and what I am for?

Huh... don't know why life's extremely harsh on me. Fuck!!!
I am just feeling real down...damn wish I will have a happy ending dying though. That's what I've wished for now... get hit by vehicle.. and I don't even see it and spot death. Lol... I don't need anything more than that.. damn.. cuz I don't get it lol.. simple.
So, before I move.. I just want to write this thing... maybe who knows.. I might not return back to my room.

Life sucks... if anyone calls me a coward for fleeing from what I am.. then I am a coward.

Lastly the message went.

Its so...funny lol. I had to call my friend's home early in the morning damn... I am just embrassed.. his mom picked up and just banged the phone. Huh...lastly one of my friend.. helped me with my Cell's routing problem.. thanks man, you've been great. Small things in life matter. And its fun hehe.. get up at 5:24 and keep messaging.. and alll I get is dissapointment. Aniways... that's the way life goes.

And I hope there's always a way out.

(Hey I am waiting for you...where are you, won't you come to save me)

Its so hard to even surprise ... huh..

I wanted to give a surprise message her on her birthday that is today. Lol... I got up at 5:24 and its 6:27 now.. and I couldn't really send her a SMS... shit....myan.... when the going gets tough...everything stops. Lolz

Damn... that's fucking written in my fate

Shock!!! 19th Jan 2005

Everything came like a shock....good bad everything. My whole day started off with a shock in the morning...a good one indeed. And then in the afternoon a bad one... and then in the evening. The boulevard of broken dreams... shit.. I was flat on the ground. Why do we meet people... and damn it was only on net.. though... I felt so free with her... so good to be with her. Share some parts of life... which I always wanted to share... as well as hide at the same time. But she came like a breeze...went like a harsh winter wind,rough skin, scrathches...leaving behind.

Nowonwards one thing is sure... I won't open up to anyone. Damn everyone's so fake... And as always the fault if my own. It was me who took it deep down to heart...and thus here I am suffering. Bloody wet eyes...

- The only one who follows me, my shadow -

Konfused.

Hmmm...here I am its 1:39 AM. And out from the confusion what to do.. I opened a account rite here.. and started this bloggin thing. Huh....

How funny is life.. and even more funnier me. In a instant I get so high.. and in just seconds I fall down. Whatever it all maybe .. but baseline goes.. "I walk alone" hehe. Yeah yea.. listening to Greenday "Boulevard of Broken Dreams".

I am feeling a kind of peculiar pain rite now.. and the meantime feeling fresh touched by the winter wind. And my hands are freezing. My friend's sleeping next to me... Actually I don't know what I should write and what for.

I should confess, yes I am thinking really -negative these days. Its not that I can't help myself.. but that's what I use... "I can't help it". Maybe it could be my age... a teen ager's anxienty. But I guess its not that....(Oh oh.. the video I was downloading and was waiting this long has finally got down on my box shit, connection...its like licking dogs platter). I will go for sleep now... not just rite away but it depends.. however my thing ends here.

Cold Winter Morning!

Huh... here I am. Got up at around 7:00 ... but got out of the bed only at 8:43. All morning I've been listening to " Boulevard of Broken dreams".
Now, I got to meet up my friends at 12:00 and damn.... I got to get the Handy Cam.. cuz we got to shoot... it really sucks when you don't have things of your own. Lending sucks... I don't like depending on someone.

But in some cases I feel like I should give my whole life to someone else... let someone know all my secrets.... but.. as the song goes... "I walk this empty street.. on the boulevard of broken dreams, I walk alone". Yes.. my shadows are the only that walk beside me. And sometimes I wish... someone out there will find me.. till then....

I walk alone :)